So, You’re Triggered… Now What?
Alright ladies, let’s get honest about what it means to be “triggered,” and how to take responsibility for what that means! There has been a lot of conversation on different social media platforms about what it means to be triggered, but there seems to be a gap in the conversation on what to do when it happens. Let’s try to debunk some myths around being triggered, and get focused on what is, isn’t, and our responsibilities in those moments.
Managing Holiday Expectations
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Each year I look forward to the twinkling lights, the quiet from the snow and time with my favorite people. However, as each year passes it feels there is more and more (..and more) to coordinate. I spend so much time looking forward to the holiday season, that I often feel disappointment when I’m met with the chaos, stress and anxiousness about getting it all done. This is not what this time of year should feel like. I wonder if this is a familiar feeling for you too.
How Motherhood Can Challenge the “Perfectionist” Mentality
In my work as a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health, I support women with the transition into motherhood every day. When we enter any new season in life, we form expectations about what that season will look like. Within those expectations, we also form expectations for how we will navigate that season – often without even realizing it. The expectations we form then shape the way we experience that season, sometimes bringing with it feelings of disappointment, resentment, or even failure. If you are someone who identifies themselves as a “perfectionist,” “Type A personality,” or “high achiever,” keep reading to see how that might show up in your role as a mama.
Let’s Talk: Motivation vs Discipline
To simplify it, motivation is the “why” while discipline is the “what”. Motivation gives us the initial push toward a new goal, while discipline is the action that allows one to truly follow through on their goal. The tricky part is, we often give motivation too much attention and power, when motivation is the piece which is fleeting. You may find yourself making comments like “I just need to find more motivation,” or “I’m not feeling very motivated today,” but lacking motivation is rarely the issue. It’s often a lack of understanding the ways we work against ourselves, and a lack of putting disciplines in place in order to effectively combat these barriers. Motivation is a key component of change, as it is the desire behind our change, but that desire only gets us so far. Desire shows up when we first decide we want to make the change, when we experience a sense of instant gratification, or when the stars align and our external circumstances fall in our favor. But what happens when we want to make a long term change? The gratification is often delayed, our circumstances shift day by day, and we may not have the same excitement we did the day we decided change was necessary. This is where discipline takes over.
LET’S TALK: GROWING PAINS
To tolerate discomfort, we must first acknowledge and accept it. We cannot tolerate something we do not allow space for. The push to grow often comes with a discomfort we start to feel within our current situation. The challenging part is, that some types of discomfort feel familiar, making them more tolerable to sit with, while new discomfort may be experienced as more alarming. This makes sense considering we have yet to learn how to tolerate this new way of being. Discomfort can present itself in many different ways. A friendship becoming more distant. An increase in conflicting conversations. The urge to “go back to your default”. Less desire to engage in activities you once enjoyed. Push back from those around you. This list is not to excuse others’ behaviors, or ignore the difficulty of doing something new, but to normalize some of the challenges which may come with a season of growth. When we are aware of what to look for, we have the opportunity to label it, address it, and continue moving forward from there.
Spring Cleaning: Clearing the Way for Your Authentic Self
Spring has finally arrived, and I don’t know about you, but I am excited about the warmer weather, the beautiful flowers, and the ability to start getting outside more! It’s been something that I’ve been looking forward to for some time. One thing that is synonymous with spring is spring cleaning. It can feel so good to reset yourself for spring– swap out those winter clothes for spring/summer clothes, get the house clean from top to bottom, and start on any home projects that you have been putting off through the winter. Now, what if I told you that there is a whole other aspect of spring cleaning that you likely do not have on your radar? That thing is YOU!
Fighting Perfectionism
Perfectionism is often praised and rewarded and therefore reinforced throughout many areas of our lives. However, the number one question is: Is perfectionism working for us or is it actually working against us?
Is the risk worth the reward? Uncovering the benefits of vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the gateway to connection, trust, intimacy, personal growth, overcoming shame, fear and so much more. While we often are aware of what we stand to gain, we aren’t always aware of how to actually do it. How do we listen to what our body is saying, while simultaneously attempting to overcome these instructions? This is why vulnerability feels so risky and, I would argue, why vulnerability feels so complicated. The risk is the potential of losing control over our intimate information, while the complication is the process of learning to deny our own intuition.
It’s not you. It’s not them, It's the season.
At some point in your life you will probably experience a season of disconnection or loneliness. Getting older comes with different seasons in life which may impact your schedule, priorities, needs, energy, mental health and more. This ultimately affects our relationships and how they shift over time. It’s common with the changes to feel isolated, lonely, envious, or even rejected.
Disconnected or Dysregulated?
Well, we made it! We made it to the other side of the holidays, we've kicked off the new year, and we are headed toward spring and all the new things that it brings. Now is the time when "things should have slowed down..." but have you noticed that life doesn't feel easier despite making it to "the other side"? Maybe you've been asking yourself, "Why am I feeling so disconnected from the people in my life?" or "How do I reconnect with the relationships that are important to me?" If you've been feeling disconnected from others lately, let's talk about the difference between disconnection and dysregulation. You may be surprised to learn what the culprit may be, and how to make intentional changes for your current situation.
Turning Well-Intentioned Self Love into Intentional Self Love
The concept of self-love has wildly evolved. This phrase can be viewed as honoring your emotions, avoiding conflict, taking care of your health, putting your needs above others, treating yourself any chance you get, etc. None of these are inherently good or bad, but I want to focus on an overall balance of the concept. Webster’s Dictionary has multiple definitions for the phrase, but the one that resonates with me most is, “proper regard for, and attention to, one's well-being.” To truly focus on true, overall well-being, will require discomfort at times, and possibly making shifts in various areas. Now, let’s dig into what this looks like and how self-love can become a more regular and balanced practice in your life.
What To Do When Your New Year’s Resolutions Stall Out: A Guide to Sustainable Personal Growth
While we all have goals that motivate us throughout the year, the start of the year especially feels like a time where we have the most goals or expectations for ourselves. Maybe this is because we have a brand new year in front of us, or because everyone else seems to be doing it…However, regardless of the reason, we have all found ourselves at some point thinking through what the next 365 days ahead of us should be filled with.
Living Aligned With Your Values
The power of being aware of your true values that are genuinely your own, means you can change behaviors that currently don’t serve you or others well and you can create a lifestyle of intentionality, authenticity, freedom, and confidence.
Handling Holiday Dynamics with In-Laws & Family
The holiday season is often seen as a joyous time filled with laughter and connection with special people in our life. The hard part is this-- we don't always talk about when our relationships and dynamics don't mimic that "picture-perfect" ideal. The holidays can magnify relationship struggles that are present during the rest of the year, and it can feel incredibly vulnerable if the dynamic isn't fitting that ideal. So, what do we do to try and manage this? How do we come to a place of acceptance of the current reality we are experiencing within our relationships? Let's break down a few things to consider when finding the balance between acceptance and boundaries.
How to Set Holiday Boundaries
Boundaries can be quite the touchy topic, especially around the holidays. Do I just suck it up and drag everyone to and from every planned event? Am I being overly needy or difficult by having and setting these boundaries? Are my needs really worth it if everyone else is satisfied? These are just a few of the questions that may run through your mind when it comes to holiday planning and family time; making a time of year we hope to experience in a positive light, not so enjoyable. So, with that in mind, I thought I would share a few thoughts and tips when it comes to identifying and setting boundaries, specifically during the holiday season!
Practicing Self-Trust
Your relationship with yourself is arguably the most important relationship in your life. All other relationships stem from it. There are so many factors that contribute to having a strong, healthy relationship with yourself, but the one I want to draw your attention to is trust. We often think about trust from the perspective of trusting others, especially within relationships… but what does it look like to trust yourself? And how do we build trust with ourselves if it is lacking?
How to Live Intentionally
Intentionality, what a dream! Life has a unique way of intervening with this goal. Responsibilities in hand, deadlines to meet, people to take care of.. the list could go on. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck on a loop, of just getting by, not even being able to fathom how another week has passed. How can we reclaim this time in a purposeful way?
Stress vs. Overwhelm
Did you know there are two different types of stress? There is good stress and bad stress. Good stress, called eustress, can motivate you, increase focus, and can ultimately increase performance along with other benefits. You’re functioning in good stress if you have the feeling you want to perform well or if the stressor you're facing feels like it’s an opportunity to do well. What we need to be aware of is when that good stress turns into chronic stress or extreme levels of stress. We often call this overwhelm which means we are in such a level of stress that emotionally and cognitively we feel like we can’t even properly function.
Processing Traumatic Grief
Grief is complicated and unique— every person responds to loss in their own way and grief can impact every part of life. There is no formula for managing grief, and it can be such a helpless experience to go through.