Living Aligned With Your Values
One of my biggest hopes for all of my clients is that they create a life in which they get to live in their own values. It is truly powerful watching women discover a life where they can live and be their authentic selves. Between all the demands, expectations, influences, outside noises, and pressures, it’s very common to hear that women don’t even know their own values. When given the space to stop and think about the values that guide their current life, I’m hearing they aren’t sure where their values stand between all the demands of being an employee, sister, fur mama, caregiver, friend, provider, mother, partner, etc. And when someone isn’t living in their own values it’s easy to get completely overwhelmed and lost. A quote from Brene Brown’s podcast “Unlocking Us,” shines light on the power of living aligned with your values: “When the water is deep and swift and I'm in a hard place, it is my values that are my most consistent life raft for me.”
So how do we explore our values and actively live in them? Good question. As a therapist, I love being a sounding board for my clients when they are ready to do values work. Ultimately, they know themselves best and could label their values on their own. One way I encourage others to label their values is to explore what motivates their behaviors. Not only what motivates them in a positive way, but what drives behaviors in a self protective way. What I mean by that is: Are you showing up as a chronic people pleaser? Someone who needs constant control of the situation around you? Easily upset when things don’t feel fair? Those examples don’t sound quite like behaviors done because of “motivation”, but they can be behaviors influenced unknowingly by one’s values. Maybe people pleasing is driven by the value of love and connection. Maybe the need for control is driven by the value of security and stability. And getting upset when things aren’t fair is driven by the values of balance and advocacy for others. To truly explore your values, it is important to find the root of one's behaviors and the core beliefs that drive them.
The power of being aware of your true values that are genuinely your own, means you can change behaviors that currently don’t serve you or others well and you can create a lifestyle of intentionality, authenticity, freedom, and confidence. Some more examples of ways to explore and practice implementing your own values are exploring these questions:
“What does the best version of me look like and why are those characteristics important to me?”
“What are specific behaviors I do that help support me living aligned with my values?”
“What are current behaviors of mine that are taking me further away from my values?”
“Are these values actually my own or was I influenced that these should be my values?”
“What's one thing I can do daily to be intentional in living within a value of mine?”