LET’S TALK: GROWING PAINS
Sit tight, friends. This one may get a tad uncomfy! Let’s talk growing pains. When we think of growing pains in a physical sense, I think we all can recognize that is inevitable and needed for the evolution of ourselves as a growing human (not sure many people would try to convince a toddler to do whatever possible to resist their natural ways of growing lol). When it comes to well-rounded internal growth, however, the pain of that may seem less appealing. The struggle of growth may cause questions like, “Am I doing this right?”, or “Should making beneficial changes in my life really be this hard?”, or maybe even somethings like, “Is me trying to change the problem now?”. Change is inevitable, and growth is intentional. Life ebbs and flows, as it is supposed to, and it is up to us whether or not we get on board and grow with life, or dig our heels in even deeper (spoiler alert, neither experience is void of the uncomfy).
Where do I Start?
First, let’s start with some values. This may look different from one person to the next, and that is okay. There is no perfect blueprint for growth. What is driving your desire to grow? Are you getting stuck in harmful relationship cycles and trying to imagine a different way? Do you value engaging in a different parenting experience than your parents did? Are you striving to break generational trauma? Are friends of yours engaging in behavior you no longer find beneficial in regard to the life you are wanting to live? Are your thoughts holding you back? The growth we desire and how it plays out will look situationally different for everyone, so, here is a list of some values to get the wheels turning on your journey.
Authenticity
Balance
Compassion
Integrity
Peace
Discipline
Health
Trust
Wisdom
Honesty
Connection
Family
When we look at our values, and where we are wanting to go, we are able to identify if we are heading in the right direction. You will be able to reflect on whether or not the path you’re on is overall aligning with your values and desired outcome. Growth does not always feel good, so it is important to have something to ground yourself to when the doubt starts to arise.
How Do I Tolerate the Discomfort of Growth?
To tolerate discomfort, we must first acknowledge and accept it. We cannot tolerate something we do not allow space for. The push to grow often comes with a discomfort we start to feel within our current situation. The challenging part is, that some types of discomfort feel familiar, making them more tolerable to sit with, while new discomfort may be experienced as more alarming. This makes sense considering we have yet to learn how to tolerate this new way of being. Discomfort can present itself in many different ways. Friendship becoming more distant. An increase in conflicting conversations. The urge to “go back to your default”. Less desire to engage in activities you once enjoyed. Push back from those around you. This list is not to excuse others’ behaviors, or ignore the difficulty of doing something new, but to normalize some of the challenges which may come with a season of growth. When we are aware of what to look for, we have the opportunity to label it, address it, and continue moving forward from there.
With that being said, growth is not all bad! In addition to those challenges listed above, little wins and indicators of positive change will likely show up beside them. When that tough conversation was had, a relationship was able to grow deeper in connection. Even though others have pushed your boundaries, you experience an overall increase in your confidence and health in relationships. Despite lacking desire for old activities, you have found new ones which have been more fulfilling in your day to day. Discomfort is not necessarily an indication of something being wrong, but more often rears its head when we begin to engage in something different. So, come back to your why, address the discomfort for what it is, and acknowledge your little wins along the way. You are doing the thing, so just keep going!!
Are the Growing Pains Worth it?
This is a question for every individual to answer on their own, but from my experience, it is rare for someone to look back from a place of growth and say, “Man, I really wish I stayed stuck”. Growing pains are often a part of the process, and if the outcome is worth it to you, then the challenge along the way likely will be as well!
https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/