Let’s Talk: Motivation vs Discipline
Have you ever wanted to make a change in your life and wondered why it was so hard to make it stick? Or why the New Year's resolutions do not last much past January? Or why the change that once felt super exciting now seems a whole lot less glamorous? Let’s be honest, change can be hard, and not always fun, but sometimes our biggest barrier to change is not fully understanding how to effectively approach it. So, let's dive in.
What is the difference between motivation and discipline?
To simplify it, motivation is the “why” while discipline is the “what”. Motivation gives us the initial push toward a new goal, while discipline is the action that allows one to truly follow through on their goal. The tricky part is, we often give motivation too much attention and power, when motivation is the piece which is fleeting. You may find yourself making comments like “I just need to find more motivation,” or “I’m not feeling very motivated today,” but lacking motivation is rarely the issue. It’s often a lack of understanding the ways we work against ourselves, and a lack of putting disciplines in place in order to effectively combat these barriers. Motivation is a key component of change, as it is the desire behind our change, but that desire only gets us so far. Desire shows up when we first decide we want to make the change, when we experience a sense of instant gratification, or when the stars align and our external circumstances fall in our favor. But what happens when we want to make a long term change? The gratification is often delayed, our circumstances shift day by day, and we may not have the same excitement we did the day we decided change was necessary. This is where discipline takes over.
Barriers to change
Every single person has some level of resistance to change. Familiarity is comfortable, and comfortable is a space we often seek. Change does not come with familiarity and comfort, however. So, it is first important to name your “why”. If you do not have a why, there is no true backing to the change you are deciding to make for yourself. Here are a few examples below to get the wheels turning.
Engaging in more consistent movement in order to have a more present experience in your kids’ activities.
Journaling daily to take care of, and have a clearer picture of your mental health.
Disengaging from social media in order to be more present in your relationships.
Having a consistent bedtime routine in order to increase your sleep and ability to engage in day to day functioning.
Obviously this is a short list, but it gives the idea of identifying your goal, and the why behind it. Now, we get curious and honest with ourselves, and explore the ways in which we create barriers to effectively implementing this change. When I say curious, I mean for that curiosity to come from a place of attempting to understand without placing judgment. All of our behaviors serve some sort of purpose, they just may no longer be as effective as they once were, so when we get curious, we are able to assess and shift these behaviors as needed. At times there are barriers we cannot control, which are important to assess, but for this purpose, let’s focus on the barriers we can have control over. Barriers to change may look like…
Engaging in mindless tasks in order to procrastinate more timely or challenging tasks.
Pressing snooze to get thirty more minutes of sleep as opposed to getting up for a workout.
Utilizing social media as a form of self care as an alternative to something which actually fills your cup.
Buying and keeping lots of processed foods on hand despite wanting to improve your health through nutrition.
Again, this list does not encompass everything, and is not written with a tone of judgment, but with the purpose of sparking thought around behaviors you do and do not do which create distance between you and the change you are working towards.
How to shift from motivation to discipline
Once we have identified our why and present barriers to change, we can then identify actionable steps to take in order to engage in consistent disciplined practices. The thing about discipline is that it does take practice, and it does at times have to be prioritized over comfort and other outside factors. As a reminder, discipline is the behavior or action we engage in, which reinforces our original motivation for change. Discipline is…
Getting up at 5:30 to workout before the kids wake up.
Meal prepping in order to decrease the need to grab the “easier option” later in the week.
Setting and sticking to a daily time limit on social media platforms.
Adding five to ten minutes of journaling to your preexisting night time routine.
One thing to remember with discipline is it will not always feel easy. You may want to count on motivation, or go back into old patterns of behavior. If this happens, reassess and refocus back to your “why”, and get back to implementing the “what”. Remember, discipline is a consistent practice that reflects your overall desire for change, and the priority and importance of seeing that change through
To dig deeper into this topic and really assess change, feel free to give Brene Brown and Lisa Lahey’s podcast on Immunity to Change (Part 1 and 2) a listen.