Postpartum Anxiety in Modern-Day Motherhood
Postpartum anxiety is one of the most common concerns of women who walk into my office. It is also one of my favorite things to address because there is so much room for growth and progress. Sometimes, postpartum anxiety shows up with classic, textbook symptoms that are easily recognizable. Other times, it tends to be a little more sneaky and can go unrecognized or undiagnosed for this reason.
Anxiety manifests differently for every person. For some, it presents more in anxious thoughts, rumination, and excessive worry. For others, it presents physically in more body-based symptoms. Some women don’t even realize that what they’re feeling is anxiety until they are beyond it completely. Additionally, the screening measures you have probably filled out through your OB/GYN, hospital, or pediatrician’s office focus more on symptoms of postpartum depression as opposed to anxiety, so sometimes it slips through the cracks.
I wanted to take the opportunity to share a few “sneaky” ways that I see postpartum anxiety showing up in modern-day motherhood. I want to preface this by saying that just because you may exhibit some of these behaviors, it does not necessarily mean you have postpartum anxiety. It is simply me sharing some specific areas and patterns that I see showing up.
Excessive Googling – Many moms find themselves turning to good ol’ Google to look for answers about common worries. Now, I’m not totally knocking the Internet as a resource, however, it is an easy place to turn when you are anxious and looking for reassurance. Unfortunately, what often happens is we stumble upon information that creates more anxiety, rather than alleviating it. What might be a normal infant fever quickly escalates into convincing ourselves that something much worse is happening. The Internet also doesn’t have an “end” or any finality to it (as opposed to, for instance, a phone call to the pediatrician’s office) which can be a slippery slope.
Not allowing others to help – This is something I talk with a lot of women about. Many new mamas feel overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities of caring for a tiny human, yet they are taking it all on themselves. When feeling anxious, it’s easy to clamp down on the areas that you do feel control over. This sometimes shows up as taking care of ALL the things – feedings, diaper changes, baths, initiating sleep – and not allowing your partner or anyone else to do it for fear of them doing it “wrong.” In this case, I will often work with moms on letting others help and tolerating the discomfort of someone else doing it differently than you.
Right/wrong or all/nothing thinking – There is more than one right way to do things! Whether you choose to sleep train or not, breastfeed or formula feed, or start with baby-led weaning or purees, you are making the best choice for your child and your family. I believe social media and social influence has caused us to believe that there is one “right” way to do things (often times the most popular approach, or the “big name” influencer or author’s approach). This can lead to a lot of pressure and therefore anxiety to do everything the “right” way, and feelings of failure or inadequacy if the “right” way isn’t working for you or your baby.
Excessive tracking – Lots of moms begin tracking baby’s behaviors in the beginning as a way to keep data and keep track of time between feedings and naps. There can be some benefits to tracking in those early days, but be mindful if it starts to become excessive. What starts as a helpful tool sometimes becomes the focus of obsessive thoughts. This can exacerbate rigidity around sleeping and feeding schedules and cause unnecessary anxiety if things differ from the norm. Keep in mind – your baby isn’t a robot! Just as our hunger and sleep needs waver as adults, the same is true for our babies.
Rigidity around schedule (sleep, feedings, etc.) – Don’t get me wrong, having baby on a schedule can be really helpful for everyone. However, sometimes parents become fixated on time and schedule which doesn’t allow for much flexibility in the day. I see this causing increased anxiety when a nap gets cut short or baby wants to eat again before it’s “time” for the next feeding. Sometimes it even ruins the rest of the day out of pure fear of what the schedule being “messed up” will do. This can also create avoidant behaviors of going and doing anything that could potentially interfere with nap times or bedtime. Sometimes, of course, this results in an overtired baby and everyone is miserable, but more often than not, it ends up being totally fine and you can adjust the other naps/bedtime accordingly.
Not getting out of the house – There is, of course, a period of time during the postpartum season where you will be spending more time at home with your baby as you recover and establish your “new normal.” However, sometimes this turns into days or weeks of not leaving the house as a result of avoidance. For instance, if you feel anxious driving your baby in the car, you may just avoid it altogether. This one can be sneaky because it is easily justifiable. Getting out of the house with an infant is a lot of work! I will often help moms create a stair-step approach to getting out and about with baby. Sometimes that starts with just getting baby in the car seat and driving around the neighborhood to get comfortable.
One of the trickiest things about postpartum mental health in general is that there are so many variables at play – significant hormonal changes, the physical recovery, poor quality sleep, basic needs going unmet, and a major life adjustment. Sometimes it’s hard for women to know what’s “normal” vs. what is concerning. My encouragement for women is always to err on the side of caution and seek support if you are struggling in any realm. It certainly doesn’t hurt anything to add another person to your support system during what can be a really tough season of life!