Managing Holiday Expectations
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Each year I look forward to the twinkling lights, the quiet from the snow and time with my favorite people. However, as each year passes it feels there is more and more (..and more) to coordinate. I spend so much time looking forward to the holiday season, that I often feel disappointment when I’m met with the chaos, stress and anxiousness about getting it all done. This is not what this time of year should feel like. I wonder if this is a familiar feeling for you too.
Disappointment often grows in the space between reality and our own expectations. When there is more space between these things, the heavier the disappointment feels. This is why the holidays get tricky. We are not only trying to manage our own expectations but everyone else's simultaneously. Ugh! It’s a lot to consider, I know, but here are some things to help break down these expectations and navigate this season more intentionally.
Evaluate your own expectations
In our minds, we each have created our own story as to what this time will or could look like. Subconsciously, our mind works to uphold this story and here is where our expectations are born! This is also why it can sometimes feel like a betrayal when other people are living out their own story and not ours. Bringing the subconscious story to our consciousness can allow us to evaluate the expectations we are living, and maybe even fighting to uphold. Journaling is a tool that feels particularly helpful for this challenge.
Here are some questions to journal over:
What is my story? How am I hoping this year will look?
Are these expectations within my control?
Are these expectations realistic for the time I have this year?
Are these expectations my own?
If they’re not my own, do they equally feel important to me?
Would these still be expectations this year if we hadn’t done it in years past?
Communicate the things we can control
While trying to anticipate and get ahead of everyone else’s expectations, I’m wondering how much consideration you have given to your own. Now that you have reflected over your own expectations, I’m curious how much of this is shared knowledge around those you are spending the holidays with. Communication comes up a lot in the therapy room because this is often where the barrier is. We can identify what we want or need, but then struggle in sharing. Sharing these expectations can be helpful when they are things within our control. When we communicate our expectations this creates an opportunity to have a team working towards the same goal. Additionally it can help us to not feel isolated in our efforts. What expectations do you have that are unspoken?
Build acceptance for the things we cannot control
However, there are things that we cannot control as well. I’m wondering as you evaluate your own story if you’re able to identify pieces that are truly not in your control. When we are focused on our expectations or desires we actually become more disconnected from the present. Acceptance helps us to diminish the space between reality and our expectations. We are no longer trying to curate a world that matches our expectations, rather we are accepting and living with what is truly happening.
Expectations are something we create that sometimes feel like a positive thing. It creates a goal for us to achieve or is providing the motivation we need to “out-do” last year. I’m wondering if after reflection you can also see how expectations are limiting. When we pre-determine how things should go, we lose the opportunity to see how things could go. I’m hoping the idea of shaking off your (or others) expectations of the holidays will help you to feel more present and grounded throughout this season. Beautiful things can happen when we allow things to exist as they are rather than expecting them to resemble something else. When there is space for things to be their own form of beauty we create more space for gratitude, which is what this season is all about!
Have a safe holiday season!